My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize