HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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