I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
