Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
