If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
