she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
