that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
