would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
