In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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