if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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