My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize