She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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