If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize