I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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