My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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