how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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