Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize