I am puke
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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