can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
