Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
