he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize