No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
