btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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