I wish my penis had an off switch
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wow bdsm is so cute
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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