your thong is hanging out like whoa
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
