Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When are your genitals available?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
