Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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