dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
