you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
