i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is the high leading the old right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
