Dude my mom stole all your condoms
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
not ubering you a puppy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize