did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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