How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
