I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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