He kissed a someone with a penis
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
