He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
