Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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