So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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