Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
