Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
