I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
