i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How naked do you want me to be?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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