It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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