He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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