I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
