Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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