so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
