A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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