I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
