i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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