i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
