I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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