Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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