she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
