There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
