Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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