if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
