Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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