Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
