people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
