Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
