i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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