What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
