You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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