and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
