i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
