She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
