what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
