I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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