i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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