at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
