Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
