I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
