Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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