Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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