i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
