I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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