there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
