How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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