he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
