I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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