Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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