I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
