Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
