I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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