I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
