There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
